Hi @chilepower,
We tested this feature with a default WordPress theme and this behavior is still the same.
The button remains but it’s impossible to send a message to a non-friend.
Please note that this behaviour is related with the settings of the BP Better Messages plugin, not with the use of your theme. As theme authors, the debugging of third party plugins isn’t part of the support we will provide.
We remain available for all support requests related with the use of your theme.
Regards,